Blue For Toronto Jays (and Leafs)JAY TALKING
ivange
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Name: BLUE JAY
Country: France
Birthday: 12/24/1961
Gender: Male


Interests: Sports, sports and more sports. Like hockey and baseball not sissy games like basketball or NFL football.
Expertise: Sure ain't updating this site.
Occupation: Consulting
Industry: Manufacturing


Message: message me


Member Since: 7/12/2005

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Monday, January 28, 2008

Thoughts for the Day

1 Jim Baker and Jimmy Swaggert have written an impressive new book - It's called -Ministers Do More Than Lay People'

2 Transvestite: A guy who likes to eat, drink and be Mary

3 The difference between the Pope and your boss, the Pope only expects you to kiss his ring

4 My mind works like lightning, one brilliant flash and it is gone

5 The only time the world beats a path to your door is if you're in the bathroom

6 I hate sex in the movies. Tried it once - the seat folded up, the drink spilled and that ice, well, it really chilled the mood

7 It used to be only death and taxes were inevitable now, of course, there's shipping and handling, too

8 A husband is someone who, after taking the trash out, gives the impression that he just cleaned the whole house

9 My next house will have no kitchen - just vending machines and a large trash can

10 A blonde said, 'I was worried that my mechanic might try to rip me off. I was relieved when he told me all I needed was turn signal fluid'

11 Definition of a teenager - God's punishment for enjoying sex


Friday, December 14, 2007

VERY INTERESTING STUFF

In the 1400's a law was set forth in England that a man was allowed to beat his wife with a stick no thicker than his thumb. Hence we have "the rule of thumb"

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Many years ago in Scotland, a new game was invented. It was ruled "Gentlemen Only...Ladies Forbidden"...and thus the word GOLF entered into the English language.

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The first couple to be shown in bed together on prime time TV was Fred and Wilma Flintstone.

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Every day more money is printed for Monopoly than the U.S. Treasury.

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Men can read smaller print than women can; women can hear better.

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Coca-Cola was originally green.

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It is impossible to lick your elbow.

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The State with the highest percentage of people who walk to work:

Alaska

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The percentage of Africa that is wilderness: 28% (now get this...)

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The percentage of North America that is wilderness: 38%

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The cost of raising a medium-size dog to the age of eleven: $ 16,400

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The average number of people airborne over the U.S. in any given hour:

61,000

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Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair.

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The first novel ever written on a typewriter: Tom Sawyer.

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The San Francisco Cable cars are the only mobile National Monuments.

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Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king from history:

Spades - King David

Hearts - Charlemagne

Clubs -Alexander, the Great

Diamonds - Julius Caesar

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111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321

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If a statue in the park of a person on a horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle. If the horse has one front leg in the air the person died as a result of wounds received in battle. If the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural causes.

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Only two people signed the Declaration of Independence on July 4th, John Hancock and Charles Thomson. Most of the rest signed on August 2, but the last signature wasn't added until 5 years later.

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Q. Half of all Americans live within 50 miles of what?

A. Their birthplace

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Q. Most boat owners name their boats. What is the most popular boat name requested?

A. Obsession

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Q. If you were to spell out numbers, how far would you have to go until you would find the letter "A"?

A. One thousand

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Q. What do bulletproof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers, and laser printers all have in common?

A. All were invented by women.

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Q. What is the only food that doesn't spoil?

A. Honey

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Q. Which day are there more collect calls than any other day of the year?

A. Father's Day

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In Shakespeare's time, mattresses were secured on bed frames by ropes.

When you pulled on the ropes the mattress tightened, making the bed firmer to sleep on. Hence the phrase......... "goodnight, sleep tight."

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It was the accepted practice in Babylon 4,000 years ago that for a month after the wedding, the bride's father would supply his son-in-law with all the mead he could drink. Mead is a honey beer and because their calendar was lunar based, this period was called the honey month, which we know today as the honeymoon.

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In English pubs, ale is ordered by pints and quarts... So in old England, when customers got unruly, the bartender would yell at them "Mind your pints and quarts, and settle down."

It's where we get the phrase "mind your P's and Q's"

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Many years ago in England, pub frequenters had a whistle baked into the rim, or handle, of their ceramic cups. When they needed a refill, they used the whistle to get some service. "Wet your whistle" is the phrase inspired by this practice.

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At least 75% of people who read this will try to lick their elbow!

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Monday, November 12, 2007

Children

..and now, something I received from my mother (not sure if there is a hidden message here or not)....

 

To those of us who have children in our lives, whether they are our own, grandchildren, nieces, nephews, or students...

here is something to make you chuckle.

Whenever your children are out of control, you can take comfort from the thought that even God's omnipotence did not extend to His own children.

After creating heaven and earth, God created Adam and Eve. And the first thing he said was 'DON'T ! '

'Don't what ? ' Adam replied.

'Don't eat the forbidden fruit.' God said.   

'Forbidden fruit?  We have forbidden fruit?  Hey Eve..we have forbidden fruit ! '

' No Way ! '

'Yes way ! '

'Do NOT eat the fruit ! ' said God.

'Why ? '

'Because I am your Father and I said so ! ' God replied, wondering why He hadn't stopped creation after making the elephants.

A few minutes later, God saw His children having an apple break and He was ticked !

 

'Didn't I tell you not to eat the fruit?'  God asked.

'Uh huh,' Adam replied.

'Then why did you ? ' said the Father.

'I don't know,' said Eve.

'She started it ! ' Adam said.

'Did not ! '

'Did too ! '

'DID NOT ! '

Having had it with the two of them, God's punishment was that Adam and Eve should have children of their own.

Thus the pattern was set and it has never changed.

 

BUT THERE IS REASSURANCE IN THE STORY!

If you have persistently and lovingly tried to give children wisdom and they haven't taken it, don't be hard on yourself.

If God had trouble raising children, what makes you think it would be a piece of cake for you?

 

THINGS TO THINK ABOUT !

 

1. You spend the first two years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next sixteen telling them to sit down and shut up.

 

2. Grandchildren are God's reward for not killing your own children.

 

3. Mothers of teens now know why some animals eat their young.

 

4. Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said.

 

5. The main purpose of holding children's parties is to remind yourself that there are children more awful than your own.

 

6. We childproofed our homes, but they are still getting in.

 

 

ADVICE FOR THE DAY:

 

Be nice to your kids. They will choose your nursing home one day.

 

AND FINALLY:

 

IF YOU HAVE A LOT OF TENSION AND YOU GET A HEADACHE, DO WHAT IT SAYS ON THE ASPIRIN BOTTLE:

 'TAKE TWO ASPIRIN' AND 'KEEP AWAY FROM CHILDREN'!!!!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


Monday, October 15, 2007

On the Road Again

Tubby is back on the road again (or at least walking beside the road and to the RER). Even the Rebel is back this morning after using up all his RTT and vacation days. Yes, he is back to work which is sleeping on his bench. Welcome back and hope you had a nice and relaxing vacation.

It is dark this morning and the leaves are down (just like my Toronto Maple Leafs) and covering the walkways. Every once in a while I step on a squishy leaf – well, it is better than the alternative (at least there is some insulation between the poop and my shoe).

I am still fat. Or should I say fatter. If the weatherman would cooperate more I could walk and lose some of these extra pounds which seem to be accumulating. I don’t mind it raining when I come home from work but not when I head to work. Besides, I get wet enough with my fat rubbing against itself.

Santa Claus and cookies – I know how Tim Allen felt in the movie. I must be putting on my winter layer because I am now past my pre-vacation weight. So you know what that means? Yep, tubby whining about his weight again. I think (actually am hoping) that it is like in the movie and related to my metabolism. This would also explain why my beard is getting white – it’s the “Santa clause” and not my fault. I will ponder that this afternoon as I eat the fresh cookies made for me by the Mrs’s.

Assuming the weatherman is correct, tomorrow should also be a walking day as it is not supposed to rain for a change. Then back to driving on Wednesday due to rain and Thursday and Friday due to the transit strike. Just another day in paradise.

I did pick up the morning papers (MatinPlus No 137 and Metro No 1243) which are full of France’s rugby lose to England. But more important, I have more materials to start the fire with and more paper to use for packing up the house.


Wednesday, September 26, 2007

Morning Entertainment

It is about 5 degrees and a nice crisp walk. I stumble a little in the dark on branches (or frozen poop) but overall an enjoyable morning. The walk gives me time to think about the lack of productivity I am about to experience once I arrive at work. No, today will not be different than others – just French as usual.

The dog lady is strolling but no other (former) regulars. I have not been as diligent with walking as I should be and the excessive weight is proof so I will try to do better (if it does not rain every day as scheduled).

Crazies are out in the morning at the RER. It sounded much like the preteen girl next door but appeared to be an older women (same screaming though but into a phone instead of at her mother or brother like the neighbor). Even Mozart on my walkman could not drown her out.

Oh merde! The yeller is heading to my RER car – not sure why the person on the other end of the phone does not hand up (maybe he / she is deaf by now and cannot hear). If I had the number I would call the person on the other end and ask them to hang up and give the rest of us a break. I watch the people on the RER watching this woman scream into her phone. Several get up from their seats and move to the seat across from them so that they can now watch her scream. Just more entertainment in France. I wish I understood more French to see why she was worked up so much. It is entirely likely her boyfriend went back to his wife and she is ticked that she has lost her sugar daddy. These things happen sometimes in France.

The horn sounds and she steps off to entertain the next captive audience. Lucky them – lucky us to have not had to endure her any longer. Poor bugger on the other end of the phone.

The entertainment continues though as another women on the car decides to carry on a phone call with another women...and on her speaker phone. People look over their shoulders at her and some even change seats to get a better view. Ah yes, people watching in Paris. Right up there with drinking wine, holding unproductive meetings and "walking with your daughter" as favorite French pastimes.

MatinPlus 123 but nothing of interest.



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